The Formula 1 Fan Defined
What a wonderful and diverse world modern Formula 1 is. It offers a mystique, a sexiness, that no other motorsport can offer. Exhaustive research and analysis is carried out every year on the people that make up the F1 audience. We’re told F1 supporters are intelligent, articulate, usually affluent and posses a “worldliness” and sophistication that has seen multinationals clamouring over themselves, pouring billions into the sport to try and associate themselves with the F1 brand.
Well for the first time, I have conducted my own highly technical and scientific research (I spoke to a couple of my mates down at the pub) to compile the definitive F1 Fan study. This should be essential reading for all the marketing directors out there.
•Exclusively wear scarlet red
•Know that F1 started in 1991
•Have had chin augmentation surgery
•Everywhere – they’re like damn cockroaches – they just keep multiplying.
•Anything endorsed by St Michael of Maranello
•I hope it rains, that will the “Rainmaster” at his best
•Schumacher is the greatest of all time because…………..
•Schumacher is so great he could win in any car (this saying has recently been heard less often)
•If you want to sell something to the Schusciple, either paint it scarlet red, or feature a picture of the man himself – no other work is needed.
•Be prepared to spend billion (Schumacher’s current rate for an endorsement)
•Believe Formula 1’s glory days were circa 1520
•Juan “Johnny Come Lately” Fangio marks the decline of Formula 1
•Vehemently opposed to such ridiculous introductions as seat belts, brakes, helmets and engines.
•Zimmer frame or public library
•Wireless (no not the internet connection – radio)
•I remember when……………
•This will be the end of Formula 1
•Unless your client owns a funeral home or manufactures hemorrhoid cream, don’t bother.
•Lack of personal hygiene
•Pungent Odour (see above)
•Inability to communicate to the opposite sex
•Drive 00 vehicles with 0 000 modifications
•Wardrobe consists of a variety of overalls (usually team colours)
•Head firmly buried in an engine or “performance” magazine
•Anything that makes a vehicle louder (performance enhancement optional)
•No-one has actually heard them speak, other than some grunting noises
•Make sure all advertising has a big picture of an engine
•Use little of no text (due to illiteracy)
•Thick Rimmed Glasses
•In front of a computer
•Any hi tech material known by an unpronounceable word
•McLaren’s new engine material – jargonium – is so advanced it’s not even on the periodic table ha ha
•Pinnacle of Motorsport
•Any product or service should have the suffix of “ium”
•Ensure that advertising is placed is Modern Metallurgy and is written entirely in nonsensium
F1 DISCO BUNNIES
•Easily distracted by bright shiny objects
•Will do anything to be associated with an F1 “insider” (even 5th reserve driver will do)
•Don’t enjoy loud noises
•Think the pit markings are a really big line of their favourite chemical
•Team hotels/motorhomes, usually in a perpetual horizontal position
•If you can get me to meet Fernando I’ll make it worth your while
•Any breast enhancement product
•Believe in the FIA = Ferrari formula
•Believe Max Mosley is trying to ruin the sport
•In F1 forums posting latest wild plan of Mosley to destroy F1
•OK, so the 2006 Formula 1 season is exciting, that’s got nothing to do with Max’s changes
•No longer the pinnacle of motor sport
•Other than a “Max Is Satan” t-shirt not much you can sell this lot
•Their cars have 5 point safety harness
•Wear a HANS device when doing the shopping or having a shower
•Disproportionately developed neck muscles
•In front of the X-Box honing their skills for the pending call up to the show
•Nearest kart track honing their skills for the pending call up to the show
•Any Formula 1 branded product
•F1 is the pinnacle of motorsport
•Kimi has great racecraft
•I could do better than Ide
•Stick an official Formula Logo on any piece of crud and they will lap it up
GRID GIRL CONNOSEUR
•Calluses on the inside of their hands
•In front of a computer screen downloading “adult” entertainment
•Nearest girly bar
•KY – Gel
•Stick a picture of a gorgeous babe on any piece of crud and they’ll buy it.
•Also largest consumer segment of “enlargement” techniques.